But this past Saturday, I kept repeating at work how much I wished I was working the following day - not so much because I wanted to be at work on a Sunday, but more because I don't like the thought of working 4 days in a row NEXT week because it's my holiday to work. I hurt from the top of my head to the tips of my toes just thinking about it.
No one available to accompany me for the 10:30 service, I drove to church alone. Half the fun for me is being able to see the people I don't otherwise normally get to see, except on social media or via text messages. I would hang out in the lobby to see the kids before they attend the noon service, and then go home to prepare a meal for when they get home. But those were NOT God's plans for my morning.
Every now and then God amazes me - at how intimately He knows our hearts, how well He knows our struggles, and the things that keep us awake at night. Yesterday was one of those days, and the sermon, for which I ended up staying to hear both at 10:30 AND noon, was just that. It was God reassuring me that my family, Rory, Ian, and I, are exactly where He intends us to be for now. You see, one of my heart's cries is that people I love would understand that none of us woke up one day and decided to hurt anyone by leaving the church they were sure we belonged at, to attend one they did not understand or approve of. And it does not matter how old I get or how much time passes by, there are just those people in my life that I always long for approval from that never comes. I may not voice that, but that's the beauty of a relationship with God, something that is only a result of a complete surrender and commitment to follow Him - He knows our hearts. We don't even have to speak our most intimate longings. And each time He gives me a desire of my heart, He shows me that He does so because He knows the "heart of my desire." As we follow HIM, He will reassure us along the way.
"Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4
The sermon that kept me for two services was about lust. Yes, lust. Parents were warned that they may want to take their kids to the children's room. Nothing was held back. Two pastors spoke, and were more transparent than I've ever heard a pastor be. They shared their struggles. They shared their pasts. They shared their journey, and they shared the Truth of God's desires for all of us.
I couldn't help but to wonder if there was a young man or young lady who was sitting in a corner, in church only because the parents made them attend, whose ears and eyes were spiritually open to what God really wants for his children. I wondered because that was the experience MY son had the first time that He attended. He will tell anyone that will listen, that day - the message was meant just for him, and it changed the course of the rest of his life.
In only the past few days I had someone poke fun at me and suggest that I "needed a man" and then proceed to go into a lengthy description of just "what" it was they felt I needed. I didn't respond - partly out of cowardliness on my part, but also because trying to tell someone that I don't believe that's God's desire for me as a single woman, would likely make them believe I think a little bit too much of myself. Christians sometimes have a tendency to give that impression, and I'm well aware of having done that on occasion myself. The truth is, however, I happen to know how very weak I am, and how very incapable I am apart from Christ.
The sermon was about God's plan for us sexually, as well as what God's plans are NOT. The pastors were humble, yet bold and courageous enough to speak truth to the church. They said the things that most parents don't think is possible, many don't bother to say, and they said what the "world" will NEVER tell our children. Sex is meant for a husband and a wife. It is NOT okay to have premarital sex. It is NOT okay to live together, even if the rest of the world is doing it. Sometimes (probably most times), the right thing to do is not the most popular thing to do. Pornography (including "Shades of Grey") is wrong, results in lust, and leads to further sin. And it's true, there will NEVER be a reality show about a man who said no to a beautiful woman who threw herself at him.
Whenever I try to justify doing something I know I shouldn't, and as I've shared with my kids, I often have to stop and ask myself, "Would the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear that this is okay to do??" Because if the answer to that is "no," then it is quite clear from whom that voice is coming - Oh it's spiritual all right - just the WRONG "spirit" - It's the enemy of my soul! The one who comes to lie, steal, kill, and destroy!
Whenever I try to justify doing something I know I shouldn't, and as I've shared with my kids, I often have to stop and ask myself, "Would the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear that this is okay to do??" Because if the answer to that is "no," then it is quite clear from whom that voice is coming - Oh it's spiritual all right - just the WRONG "spirit" - It's the enemy of my soul! The one who comes to lie, steal, kill, and destroy!
The best example I can set for my children is living a sexually pure life as a single parent. I've made many mistakes in my life - MANY! And I've done a ton of really stupid things, made some bad decisions - most of which those who do not understand me, love to remind me of. I remember well the years where I went in the wrong direction and made those stupid decisions, but I love my boys enough to want God's plan for their lives, which makes living a sexually pure life and setting the example for them, loads easier. It makes getting talked about or laughed at meaningless.
Having raised my boys alone, I never get tired of thanking the men who poured into them, walked alongside of them, taught them the truth that they never had a father to teach them. They taught them what I could never teach them, and so much more. Even our pediatrician, when I asked him to mention abstinence as the best option when having the "sex" talk with Rory at 15, brought me into his office to laugh at me and then offer my son condoms. He reminded me that it was 2007 and that if I wanted Rory to hear about abstinence, I could take him to a priest or to my brother. But Rory did not have a relationship with his uncle where this sensitive subject could be discussed. And when Rory attended a talk by a priest about sex, he and his friends came out hysterically laughing at the priest's comparison of men and women to ovens, and sex to pastries - with whip cream if you were married, and without whip cream if you were single. (Nope - I'm not kidding).
And most parents I talk to think abstinence is an absolute impossibility, even most Christian parents. So yesterday, hearing our pastors encourage and courageously discuss the truth of Biblical sexuality, I knew that I had my family all of these years right where they belonged. Who Rory and Ian are today, their values and morals, the things they believe, the way they live their lives - is so very, very much the fruit of the men who have walked alongside of and mentored them. And I'll never get tired of thanking them.
A wise woman once told me that as a single parent, I may do the job of both mother and father, but there are some things that a mother cannot teach her son. I don't think I ever fully understood that until the past few years. I can't and I won't take credit for how my kids turned out because I know that in a split second, things could change. And I know that so much of who they are is only because of the mentors who poured into their lives - and not because of anything I did.
A wise woman once told me that as a single parent, I may do the job of both mother and father, but there are some things that a mother cannot teach her son. I don't think I ever fully understood that until the past few years. I can't and I won't take credit for how my kids turned out because I know that in a split second, things could change. And I know that so much of who they are is only because of the mentors who poured into their lives - and not because of anything I did.
Our children are going to do whatever we do. They will use our language, they will treat others how we treat others. They will roll their eyes just like us, or smile just like us. They will be unkind just like us, or kind just like us. They will be lazy just like us, or hard-working just like us. If you don't think they mimic everything we do - Think again. Live your life in a way that you would be proud to watch your children live.
Let's love our children enough to pray God's will over their life. He knows what's best for them AND for us, sooo much better than we do. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And don't be discouraged as they travel their own personal journey. Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Too often I have to remind myself that my kids NEED to make mistakes. How else will they grow? And then leave them in God's hands, and then PRAY! ;)
And let's be confident enough in the plans that God has not only for our children, but for US, to know that His plans are better than what the world has to offer, or what we might think is best for us.
This morning, I find myself once again thankful for my church family, for the men who have helped turn Rory and Ian into fine young men, and for the people, both family and friends, that God has placed in my life to walk alongside me. I find peace knowing I'm where God wants me, and so are Rory and Ian. HE is the only One I need to try to please.
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