Class started at 6:30 p.m., and it was an hour's drive to school - that is, with no traffic. For 8 weeks, I would leave at 2 p.m. Why so early ??
I've often joked (half serious) with my small group that we should occasionally hold our group in a laundromat. Surely there must be broken people in there we can chat with. And on my first night of school, noticing that there was a laundromat only a mile from the college entrance, I decided I would make a point to study there before even meeting with my study group, and see who or what God brings my way. And if not, at least I could use it as a place to study, right?
I made it my "bucket list" item for June - to "give something away" - Tide, fabric softener, a roll of quarters...... And I'm not going to lie. In my pride and arrogance, coupled with my wanting to always "fix" things, I thought surely there would be someone He would send my way to cross paths with so that I could "help" them - perhaps a single mother or someone who used the laundromat as an "escape" from an abusive home. Maybe I could be an ear, a shoulder, a friend. Cuz you know, I got it all together, right ? NOT!
And I did make a friend. A single mom with 2 small kids. Her name was Jenny. I bought her some Tide one week, and our friendship began. I blessed her with fabric softener another week, gave her some quarters once or twice, and some candy for her children another week. And every time I saw Jenny, I received a hug from her in a filthy t-shirt. I ALWAYS noticed Jenny's filthy t-shirt.
Week after week I would frequent the laundromat. I watched people trying to get stains out of shirts. I watched as people separated colors. I watched them meticulously fold clothes and neatly stack them in baskets before loading them into their cars. I watched as some old clothes made it into the garbage, too worn out, too stained to keep, even with the best attempts at scrubbing.
Other weeks I just sat and thought about the things going on in my life. The month of June seemed to be so busy between my jobs and school, and I tried to keep a tight schedule, not committing to any "extras." I promised to catch up with my friends when it was all over. And a few times throughout the month, I managed to encounter some conflict. One of those conflicts was an old relationship that needed some healing (over onion rings and cheesecake). Some of the conflicts had to deal with just needing to hear God clearly. Other conflicts were confrontations, the enemy wanting me to be distracted, focused on wondering if I truly belong to Christ, wanting to keep me awake at night, seriously doubting myself, and wondering how someone could be so deliberately hurtful.
The laundromat began as a place I would bless someone. It soon turned into my secret get-away, proving me right - Broken people DO frequent laundromats. And I am broken. In fact, this broken person has dirty laundry all of her own - which not only awaited me on the basement floor each night as I returned from class, but would also surface with each relational conflict I encountered.
I thought about what I would blog the month of June for my bucket list. I really thought Jesus was going to show up, give me some incredible little story to write, proving that the laundromat was all his idea. But up until early this afternoon, I thought I had nothing.
And then He spoke clearly..........
It turns out, the laundromat WAS His idea. And what I learned in the laundromat was this (and more!):
I'm broken. I'm incredibly imperfect. And even though I try my best to follow Jesus, I fail - often. I have dirty laundry from my past, and the enemy can, and will, use people to remind me of that laundry, sometimes to justify themselves, other times to deliberately hurt me. Some laundry is worth the extra bleach and elbow grease. And some laundry, even with all of my best efforts to get stains out of or mend, is really best placed in the trash - as are some relationships. And until I can do that successfully, I cannot peacefully move forward in my walk.
I think God wanted to gently remind me of my past, just long enough to know that sometimes, the junk in our past keeps us focused backwards instead of forwards, and I may be doing this more often than I realized. Not every piece of laundry is worth trying to get the stains out of. And not every relationship is worth salvaging.
As I try to remember the last time that I saw Jenny, I don't recall what her t-shirt looked like, or if it had stains on it. I remember her smile, and I remember her embrace. That's what I want from those who claim to love me. I want to be embraced without a deliberate attempt to point out the stains in my past, my imperfections, and my mistakes in an effort to hurt me. I want to be loved despite my stains. And I want to love others without pointing out theirs.
A month in a laundromat. Who would ever think of this as a bucket list activity?
Tonight, I'm putting some of my old "laundry" I didn't realize I have been hanging onto in the trash. And, I'm leaving it there.
"And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62 KJV
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