I received the first 5 copies of my book. A few "geographically close" friends were waiting on a copy, so I let those go, with the other 250 due to arrive any day. I've been thumbing through my own book, re-reading the questions that follow each story, remembering why I chose those questions. And it's funny, because when I was proof-reading and editing, I read them over so many times they nauseated me. But now when I read them, they sting a little bit. I think I need to do my own study. I've never been one to learn anything the easy way, OR the first time. It seems God would like me to challenge myself again, so I'm going to.
But, even before getting started, I realized something profound today. It may sound to anyone who reads this like a "duh!" moment, but for me, it certainly was not the first reaction I had expected, or what I expected I would learn from it.
One of the copies of my book went to an old friend who knew me before I actually started trying to follow Christ. She read the whole thing in one sitting. And then, she promptly sent me an email telling me she had a very, very difficult time reconciling that the person she USED to know, who did this, this, and this, was the same person writing these stories and talking about following Jesus. The email was not very nice. I kind of sat back, tried to let it go in one ear and out the next, but then began to wonder how many of those I would get. I mean, it's not a "tell-all" book! It's simply a bunch of stories of cool "God" moments in my life that I chose to write, beginning in 1991! But apparently, when God wants to do business with us, and the Holy Spirit tries to get through to us, we don't always listen. Instead, we sometimes point fingers at others to justify what we don't want to take responsibility for. I know. I've been guilty of it myself. I think we all have, if we're honest.
I also spent some time after that email thinking some thoughts that were not true such as - I'm not a good person. I couldn't possibly be forgiven. It's true, I've done some things I shouldn't have done. I've said some things I shouldn't have said. I've lived in a way that was not God honoring. The world accepted me just fine back then.
I'm not perfect. I'm sooo far from perfect. But since deciding to follow Christ, I am different. And that's what God brought to the forefront of my heart tonight. I'm NOT the same. I DON'T belong to this world anymore, so this world will NEVER accept me. I belong to Christ. And only He can transform our hearts, if we let Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
Ephesians 2:1-5 says, "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich is mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved."
So I'm now thankful for that very first reaction. It's an opportunity for me to show people that YES! God wants to, He can, and He WILL transform your heart and your life if you let Him. He still has His work cut out for Him with me. That's for sure!
So tonight, I'm thankful that I'm not the same person I was years ago. I'm thankful that He never gave up on me, never stopped pursuing me. I'm thankful for the work He will continue to do in me, and thankful for those He places in my life who provide wisdom and counsel for me. And tonight, I'm most thankful for the criticism of my book, which the Lord used to teach me that my testimony is a reflection of what is possible. He can and He will, make ALL things new.
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