I thought I was really being cool when I stood against the canvas to have my photo taken for my new Costco card. "Are you sure you really want to make a silly face like that for your photo?" asked the lady who was waiting on me. "I just turned 50! And I'm NOT taking life seriously anymore!" was my reply. My tongue out to the side, my eyes crossed.......... And when I checked out, the cashier swiped my card and up came my picture. She and the bagger could not stop laughing. I've only been 50 for two months, and I intend to have fun with it for 10 more months!
Really? Is being carefree all I want the year 50 to be about??
What other activities to add to the year's monthly bucket list is something I think about often. What else do I want to see? Where else do I want to go? What else do I want to accomplish? have been the common themes behind the ideas that run through my mind.............
Until.............
Friday. That's when I met a sweet lady I will call Betty. An annoying cough for a couple of weeks finally landed her in a doctor's office, bought her a few medical procedures, and eventually served her the diagnosis of cancer. An immediate few days of chemotherapy to start with and soon she would be back home to suffer through the side effects, only to return in a few weeks for yet another round.
Betty never shed a tear. Betty didn't ask many questions. Betty seemed to be a little too "okay" with her diagnosis for me not to question what was giving her the strength. "I'm never leaving this place," Betty told me. "It is what it is. It's the cards I've been dealt." Wanting to give her hope, I looked at Betty & with my best attempt at reassuring her, said, "Yes you are. You'll be home before you know it, and this will all be outpatient." She stopped me, took my hand and cupped it inside of hers, as if to strengthen and comfort ME. "Have you ever had a gut feeling? Well, I've had a gut feeling for a while now. And I am never leaving this place. I'm going to die." Somehow, I had a feeling Betty was right.
Not long before Betty really started doing poorly, she asked me for a pen and some paper, which I gladly gave her. She began to write things down without any emotion, but with what seemed like an incredible sense of urgency. When she filled the entire paper, she folded it up very, very small and kept it in her hand. When her husband entered the room, she put it in his hand, and very sternly said, "Go! Read it! and do everything it says without question. Now, GO!"
I haven't a clue what was in that letter, but it has certainly made me think about what I would do if I had the same "gut feeling" as Betty. I bet her bucket list would look a lot different than mine.
Betty had me thinking about a lot of things, a lot of situations, and a lot of people on my way home from work that night. And I've thought and thought about it ever since. My entire weekend was an emotional roller coaster, learning that my close friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, trying to decide if selling my house is the right thing to do with the economy the way that it is, deciding that it is not the right time to take a trip out west that I had planned and looked forward to.
I couldn't help but wonder how my bucket list might change, if I had a "gut feeling" like Betty. What would I write down? Who would I reach out to? Who would I apologize to? Who would I say "I love you!" to?
I don't have any answers yet. There is no great "revelation" I've gotten 4 days after meeting Betty. But what I CAN say is that I am going to approach people and situations a little differently, and pray that I begin living with the sense of urgency Betty had. I don't know yet what this is going to look like, but I have a feeling it is going to make the next 10 months of my bucket list look a little differently than I had anticipated.
There isn't a person we come in contact with that is not facilitated and strategically thought out by God, just for us. He loves us that much! And I believe my meeting Betty was a gift.
If you knew you were going to die, what would you write down? What would you say? What would be on YOUR bucket list? Are there relationships you need to mend? Are there people you need to apologize to? Are there people you need to forgive for hurting you? Those who need to know you love them? Business you need to do with God?
I have much to think about. Thank God there are 20 more days left of the month.........
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