Last week I attended a meeting regarding the upcoming "2nd Greatest Story" study. During the meeting, I had the opportunity to share "my story." Most times in my life, especially over the past 3 years, I have not had a problem doing this with people I am comfortable with. But this time, to tell it quickly, the shortened version, to basically a lot of people I had just met, I found myself stumbling for words, and even telling myself in the middle of it how stupid what I had just said sounded. When I was driving home, I thought, "how can I lead a group of people in a study about how to tell our stories, if I am not happy with how I tell mine?" So, I decided this would be my next blog entry. After all, this is kind of why I created this blog to begin with, isn't it? What a place to practice. So, here goes.....
In 1979 when I was a junior in high school, my friend Laura asked me if I wanted to go to the show. I thought she meant the regular show, you know, at the movie theater. Nope. We wound up on Gratiot at this little place, kind of like in a strip mall. I can't remember the name of it. I only remember that they had a popcorn machine, cans of pop, fold out chairs, and reel-to-reel movies. The movie of the night? "A Thief in the Night." Now, before you laugh at that, or before you say one should not be "scared" into being saved, let me tell you that I know for sure a LOT of people came to Christ after seeing that movie. Never, ever laugh at someone's testimony or in what way God got through to them. In fact, I don't remember being "scared" at all. I only remember "getting it" after that movie. The following week we came back to see "A Distant Thunder" and the following week, "Image of the Beast" and I remember praying the sinner's prayer after that and absolutely balling my brains out and not understanding what in the heck just happened to me.
I left that place and went back to normal life, never feeling quite the same. I remember telling a couple of people that I had "been saved" and they understood a nd invited me to their church. I went a few times over the course of the next year, but didn't own a Bible, didn't know how to start learning and growing closer to God the right way. I fell right back into the world for a long, long time.
In 1981 after high school graduation, I joined the Army. Although I still knew that I was saved, I still lived in the world. I blame myself for this, but looking back, I really had no one to guide me to how and where to learn, and the importance of continuing to study and grow as a "follower of Christ." I continued to live a worldly life.
I stayed in the Army for 10 years. There were a few times during that 10 year period that I look back and I KNOW God was waiting for me to get on my face and surrender everything to Him. But I only sought him in my misery and forgot to praise Him when He protected me. I married someone who later after the death of our daughter became athiest. We were unable to grieve together, or to move on together, although we did still have 2 more children after the death of our daughter. When I left him, I returned home to my family.
Looking back, I know that my parents sacrificed A LOT for myself and my siblings to have a private education, a catholic education. They believed that was the best thing they could give us. Often I ask myself if I have been that willing to sacrifice pleasures in my life in order to give to MY children the things I hold as being that important! Sadly, I have to say I have not been that selfless at times. I love that about my mother and father and will forever admire the sacrifices they made to give me what they believed to be the best in life.
For a while I attended both the catholic church and a Christian church. The music was loud and it hurt my childrens ears, so we stopped going. I sent them to catechism and we attended the catholic church until 2008. Over the course of the years, my children started to look at things and question things, as we all do. They began to question the same things I questioned when I was their age. These were questions I certainly could not answer FOR THEM, and felt that they were correct in questioning all of it. But, at that point both of my children had decided there was no such thing as God.
I was broken-hearted. You see, this is the point where I sat back and REALIZED that GOD is who people WILL or WILL NOT see in us, based on our behavior. They didn't find God in church, and they were certainly not finding God in the behavior and language of the people preaching to them. In fact, they saw hatred and anger and jealousy in many of the people preaching to them. I understood completely their confusion, but at this point, I was willing, for the 1st time in my life, to step out and tell them about Jesus the way I had known, the Jesus they never really met.
I was just finished having a phone conversation with my son while I was in the break room at work. An old friend of mine was there to comfort me and I shared with her what was going on in my family. She suggested I try a new church, and told me about hers. The following week, I insisted that they try it. I was expecting they would go once to make me happy, never to return. But instead, they called me and were very excited. They said that they loved it and wanted to know if they could go back for the youth service in the evening. This is where my son's stories begin, so I will leave that for them. I will say this, that the pastor who was speaking that day looked right at my son, slumped over in his chair, way up in the corner, and spoke directly to him. He ran out so fast to find the youth pastor after the service. He knew right then and there that the Lord was speaking directly to him. And, neither of their lives have been the same since.
A few months went by with them attending the Sunday services. Their lives were totally different. My son, who had started drinking at parties with his football buddies had completely given that up. He was telling his friends how having sex before marriage was wrong, and partying was stupid, and how great God was, etc. Quite a few members of the football team began attending the Sunday service with them. Friends of theirs started coming as well. I took off a few Sundays to attend with them, and began to enjoy the Wednesday evening services.
In spring of that year, they wanted to go on a mission trip to Mississippi to do Hurricaine Katrina clean-up. Having been a single mom for all these years with no relief from my ex, I had my kids EVERY weekend. I was not used to them being away, other than the short overnight stays at their grandmother's house. This was going to be across the country. Something inside of me said to let them go. I knew to listen. So, I let them go. I remember people being incredibly angry with me for letting them go. Many people thought I had lost my mind. My church friends knew it was a God thing and that it was a lesson in trust for me. I let them go.
They were gone for quite a few days. I heard from them from time to time. They always sounded like they were having fun. I don't know. I guess I always "assumed" they had gotten saved during the few months' time we had been at our new church. I never bothered to come out and ask them though because my experience with this was that people always looked at you like you were crazy. But, one Saturday night when I had to be up at 4 a.m., at 12:30 in the morning the phone rang. I jumped out of bed. It was Rory and he was crying. I said, "What's Wrong!!!!!!!!!" and his response, I'll never, ever forget it........ "Mum, I just got saved! So did Ian ! And we were baptized TOGETHER in the Gulf of Mexico!" The 3 of us talked and cried on the phone for a few minutes. I couldn't wait to hear the details of their experience. I never slept again that night. I cried for quite a while. All I could think was that even though I was a coward all those years and did what others said I should do, God was still merciful enough to lead not just me, but also my children to the truth! And, seriously, does life get any better than this for ANY mom? I not only get my kids here, I get to see them on the other side too.
That trip was 3 years ago. My son Rory has gone from being a popular,womanizer, party animal, captain of the football team, to a Godly man who wakes up every morning praising God and spends his days trying to lead others to the truth. My son Ian with his kind, gentle, and soft ways, has done the same thing. He leads a prayer group at school, and many doors have opened up for him because of his faith. Im excited to see what God has in store for both of them. Most importantly, they both pray every day that their behavior, their lives, what comes out of their mouths and off their tongues, reflects a God that others would be drawn to. I find it ironic that the very behavior that lead them away from God wound up being the biggest blessings in all our lives! They both live by the motto of showing the gospel to everyone, and if all else fails, talk. ;)
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I no longer hide what I really believe. At times, people find me perhaps a little too outspoken. At times, I've thought I have been. But I think what is really happening is that I am finally finding the courage to speak truth and seek truth and embrace truth and most importantly share truth. I have nothing to lose, and I have everything to gain. My children are saved. Life just doesn't get any better than this.......
Please read my boys' mission trip letters ...........
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